Wednesday, May 29, 2013

"You are just a bad parent"

A lot of parents don't really like to talk about their children's diagnosis of ADHD. I understand why, I mean, it isn't exactly an accepted disorder. MANY people have come out and said that they don't even believe that ADHD exists or that anyone, let alone CHILDREN should be medicated *self-righteous gasps all around* Many of the typical responses I hear tend to be about discipline- "You need to discipline that child! Then he will listen!" or "If that were my kid, his butt would be black and blue!" or my favorite "Well, obviously, you just don't know what you were doing, if he was MY kid, you better believe I would get him to behave."

Yeah....ok...please have at it! I usually offer them my son for the next two days without meds and then they can talk to me about my parenting abilities or philosophy.

I simply do not understand this point of view. Do these people honestly think that I am choosing this for my child? That I ENJOY that he has this disorder especially considering I struggle with this as well on a daily basis?? Do they honestly think that I enjoy the absolute chaos my son can create or the misery that he can inflict on every member of our house?

Given the choice, I would HAPPILY have a child who would sit quietly in the restaurant without getting up every 2 minutes. I would HAPPILY have a child who would not be so impulsive that he can't think about how flying off the couch may hurt him. However, what I don't usually tell these people who scoff and look down on us from their exceedingly high horses is that my son memorized most of the dinosaurs scientific names, what they eat, when they lived, and how they looked by the time he was 3 1/2 or that his vision is so fast because his brain processes so quickly and he can catch and hit any ball in baseball at 7. I don't tell them that he has the most unbelievable empathy and compassion for animals and he loves his sister to the ends of the earth.

Yes, my son is difficult and stubborn and incredibly impulsive but he is also so unique and can build huge symmetrical space shuttles or vehicles out of Legos without instructions. I can't do that! I bet their children can't either! My point is that ADHD does not define my son, nor does the fact that he takes medication. What does define him is that he lives his life completely and fully, embracing every day as an opportunity for fun and adventure.

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